The Longest Weekend Of My Life.

You don’t know how many balls you’re juggling,
Until you drop one and they all hit the floor.
It’s then that everything falls apart.

Five months ago,
There came upon me a darkness.
I didn’t know it,
I didn’t see it.

My voices became dark and cold.
I didn’t know it,
I didn’t see it.

I took the pills the doctor gave me.
I didn’t know them,
I didn’t see them.

And my voices stopped!

And all my life unravelled.

There came upon me a blankness,
I didn’t know it,
I didn’t see it.

Like a Samurai,
Empty handed I had leapt into the void.
And it had welcomed me,
And it had embraced me,
And it had swallowed me.

I walked and talked much like any other man.

I drank and smoked with friends.
But I didn’t know them,
I didn’t see them.

I made nothing with my hands,
I drew nothing with my eyes,
I wrote nothing with my heart.

I was void made flesh.

My heating failed,
And all I did was get cold.
My food ran out,
And all I did was get hungry.
My money ran out,
And all I did was get poor.

I drank in pubs on friend’s charity,
But I knew nothing,
And I saw nothing.

The spirit inside left me,
And just the effort to take the stairs to bed,
Became too much.

Scared to leave the house.
Scared the doctors pills run out.

I slept and lived on the sofa in the front room.

The sun came up,
The sun went down.
And I thought nothing,
And I saw nothing,

The ease with which the blackness blanketed me,
And I didn’t know it,
Brought my whole life,
And I didn’t see it,
To,
A,
Halt.

Letters remained unopened,
Because after all no news is good news.
The phone remained unanswered,
Talking to itself in the hall.
The door closed,
The curtains drawn shut,
I was complete.

In the cold and empty void I sat alone.

And in the darkness I heard a voice.

It was my voice.

And it asked me,
“What am I doing?”
And I thought,
“Nothing!”
And I saw,
“Nothing.”

“Why have I lain as a lamb to the slaughter?”

And I thought,
“No!”
“Worse has happened to me!”

A few weeks ago I stopped taking the doctors pills.
No disrespect to his profession.

A few days ago,
Like children back from a school trip,
The joyous cacophony,
And chaos of my voices returned.
And much pleased am I to hear their excited chatter.

Today I have written again.
And today I thank my friends for waiting,
Because I am back.